This past 24 hours I've noticed something about myself. I am hot. And not in a good way. I am hot, cranky, tired, and mad. Too often. These are not pretty things I am revealing. I like looking good, inside and out. I like being a nice mom, a happy wife, a supportive friend and family member. But God has been gently revealing to me some cracks in my neatly photographed paved path.
Do I like this? Um, no. I want to be perfect. However, His version of perfect is not mine. Part of my realizing I need to take a deep breath and re-evaluate led me to ask myself why I have been short-circuiting. Heat, housework, adjusting to my husband being home (which, I know, is a great problem to have), the plain noisiness of a house packed with three boys and a dog? Yes, yes, yes. And yes.
Our sweet neighbor Barb delivered these to our house; they are going out of town (to New Orleans, which even in the heat I would rather be going to than staying here at this moment) and I found them on the counter in the midst of my doing-good-making-a-healthy-lunch-for-all-but-very-cranky spell yesterday. They were my game changer, my perspective shaper.
I started looking around for what made my happy, not what I thought I was supposed to be doing. One whiff of fresh cut lemon and I was smiling. I think that startled my husband.
After my super healthy lunch for everyone, I took my long shelved magazines up to my bed and just flipped through the pages. If I can't be at the shore curled up on my (imaginary) porch with soft, white sand two feet away from my toes and white painted floors, white couches and fragile sea glass decorations in my house, I can at least do myself the favor of taking myself there for 20 minutes.
So, so glad my oldest begged for the expensive budget breaker cherries at the store.
A few cut up cherries, fresh squeezed lime, and of course ice cubes in my Coke Zero for a happy drink with my magazine viewing.
Fresh peas, both sugar snap and snow, harvested with my oldest provided a sweet dinner star.
Being that it is around 100 degrees this week in Spokane, we have been searching out inside activities, we're not much for heat in our little family. So when my oldest (he's on a roll) said we should go to 7-11 on 7/11, I wholeheartedly agreed. And as it turned out, surprise!, (or not) it's a tradition at the 85 year old convience chain to give out free Slurpee's. It was priceless (and, well, free) to see my boys on their first trip to 7-11, having their first Slurpee's.
Last night I caught a radio program on my station 104.9 and it featured an author who's name I didn't catch, but she was talking about anger and mom's. I almost cried with recognition. I laid and listened and felt grace envelope me. And I'm going to reserve her book "She's Gonna Blow" at my new best friend, the Spokane County Library. I need a new direction. Oh, and that sweet bike, I found it in my sister's garage this morning.
She called early (for me) this morning. Props to all you working folks who get up and daily go to work. Amazing. I get up and go to work, but, as it is 12 stairs down, I can't complain. So, she had unwittingly locked herself out of her house and her neighbors don't have a key, so I drove the short and very quiet (hallelujah) drive to her house. This amazing set of drawers is in her vintage house's detached garage too. There was not cool old hardware in that drawer though. I looked.
After an amazing quick walk around Audubon park, which her house faces, I cooled down in her secret garden like backyard and discovered her coffee can of inspiration.
The thing about God is how He can use our failures, our failings, our perceived falling short. I am starting to think he may like them. Because really, what is more beautiful: a straight paved road or an overgrown, crumbling cobblestone path? I'll take the berry strewn path any day.